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06-Aug-2017 17:43

Here’s the truth: Guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a “fuck buddy” situation or a meaningful romance.Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it.Why don’t you take Copperfield’s number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.“Give me a call.” “E-mail me.” “Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime.” Don’t let him trick you into asking him out. I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out. (Now, don’t get cocky.) The “Maybe I Don’t Want to Play Games” Excuse Dear Greg, This is dumb. Okay, some guys might like it, but they’re just lazy. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature. Sometimes there’s a long stretch during which nobody’s asking us out. I’ve never had a successful relationship with a guy that I’ve pursued. The “Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me” Excuse Dear Greg, Okay, Greg. I know you’re not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don’t care! So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it’s even harder for us to take a backseat. I’m sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. And let me tell you, that didn’t make me feel very in control of anything. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah, I’m getting sleepy, it’s hot, I’m going down for a nap.When I wake up from that nap I’ll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life.His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents..., The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

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The “Maybe He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship” Excuse Dear Greg, I’m so disappointed.

I have this friend that I’ve known platonically for about ten years. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, “So, what, you’re working the whole ‘model thing’ now? ) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Jodi FROM THE DESK OF GREG Dear Friendly Girl, Two weeks is two weeks, except when it’s ten years and two weeks.But at this point it seems like he’s just not that into you. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you.

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